LEAVING ON A JET PLANE

so yea..little bit of a freak out last night..sorry about that.
but i have GREAT news today!! hehe i am SOOO effin excited!!

my mom, myles and i were talking about this summer.. and we've decided to go to Niagara Falls for a week. so we'll drive down through the states, like through Chicago and then up by Toronto. i'm just so excited cuz we've never been on a trip before lol. and Niagara Falls will be sure beautiful. the drive will be 25 hours, but it's gonna be hilarious cuz there's never a dull moment with my step dad myles.

anyway then we got talking more, and figured that next summer we're now going to fly to New York!! i'm really excited to spend that time with my mom. she's ultimately the best ever. and we'll get to go shopping and do girly stuff lol. my mom is so like a teenager sometimes, but i love her to bits.

lol i just had to share that awesome news with everyone. whoot. i'm so pumped!
love you all <3.>

OK SO A LITTLE BIT OF A BREAK DOWN..

ughhh jesus fucking christ
i am so fucking sick of life
i'm sick of myself
if i could, i would be someone else

i dont want to cry anymore.. i want to be happy and i want to smile. i want to just get over him already like he's gotten over me .. fuck sakes... uhhh

ive never felt so miserable and terrible in my whole life like i have in this past month.. i cry like five effing times every day.. i cant sleep. i need freakin sleeping pills just to have a decent sleep at night (don't worry i cant get like dependent on them, already got that checked out lol i'm not some druggy here) but really how long will this go on? cuz i seriously cannot take it anymore

i know he's happy and that's all i want.. i just want him to be happy.and if that's without me..then fine i will stay miserable without him.. but i just cant feel like this all the time..and i dont know what to do to change it.. i try going out, i try keeping busy.. i do.. but no matter how hard i try it doesn't work.. and it's not like i can just tell my heart to stop loving him. i can't just fucking tell it to!! cuz if i could then i would.. but it doesn't work. i'm sorry people if im not bubbly and happy and all that but how can i be?.. i wish it could just all go back to normal..
i've come to realize that i'll never ever get him back.. and that's what kills me the most
so i've stopped trying. i'm giving up completely on everything.


tomorrow i will most likely regret even posting this but i dont care..
i'm just sharing with you all that life is so fucking great!

FYI

well it's a snowy thursday today, and i don't work. i do tomorrow though unfortunately.
but as for today, i am going to lounge around and watch some movies

i'm really excited for next week, because it's taste of chaos!! i'm most syked to see the used.

and as for all you out there who've been asking me about new guys i'm with or telling me i should go for someone else i just want to tell you all something:

i am not interested in anyone right now. i just got out of a one year relationship, which i didn't even end, he did. so obviously i'm not over him yet. i will eventually, but right now i still want to be with him..and i need time to get over this. i can't just move onto someone new. it wouldn't be fair to that person because the whole time i was with them, i'd be wishing it was someone else (and we all know who that is). i appreciate you all for caring and trying to help me through this, but "moving onto someone new" isn't going to help me at all, it's just going to make things harder then they already are. so no, there's no one new. and no, i'm not going to go out with anyone right now either.

with that being said, i hope you all have a good spring break. i think this saturday i'm going to brandon with tyson, which should be fun. i'll talk to ya'll later. love yeah
exxoooh

STRESS BALL ANYONE?

hmm well. todays slightly better than yesterday. sorry for the freak out. i just saw something that upsetted me.

well i worked all day today, and i work all day tomorrow. blah
tomorrow i have to go driving too, which should be okay i guess

wednesday i have a vball game. that should be ok. then i'm hanging out with an old friend that night..should be fun.

thursday i have a staff meeting at eight in the bloody morning! like wtf!! haha. then i have vball practice and have to drive that night

i might be going to winnipeg this weekend, i need to get shoes for my escort dress
i bought it in brandon, its pink and from le chateau. its gorgeous

anyway, thats all i have to say for now.
lots of stress going on lately.
but one of those stress balls should relieve it a bit

STUPID!

today's a bad day...
ok a REALLY bad day.

fuck.

everyday is an effin really bad day.

what the hell's the matter with me?
what is seriously the matter with me, i'm so stupid. ugh!!

i need to have a serious venting session, a hard cry..and a disney movie to help this.
i hate spring break

WHAT ON EARTH!

hey ya'll. it's T to the EAGAN.

so this whole blog thing is getting quite dramatic isn't it?! like holy ppl settle down! we will soon become young adults, we should really start acting like it! i don't know why people get so much joy in hurting others intentionally, especially when they've done nothing wrong to you. what is this world coming to?

i watched the movie Blood Diamond yesterday, and i give it like 100 stars out of 10. it was amazing. i recommend it to anyone and everyone. it's about what goes on in africa and stuff, like holy. it's scary. if we ever think we have problems, we should really think again. how people living in the same continent can turn agaisnt eachother like that? it doesnt just go on there of course...but it was really just an intense thing to watch, that really makes you wonder, you know? it was very sad, and gruesome. but still, watch it guys.

the last few days haven't been as great as i would hope they'd be. i'm quite sad and depressed. yes i know, pathetic. but shake it off right? mhm. just makes me wonder when i'll get over it. i hope soon, i can't stand feeling like this. but i'm trying my best to look good, and act good. soon hopefully feeling good comes along.

i'm at school, and should probably get going for lunch. we had effin cross country skiing today, it was rather disgusting, and i must say, i'm not very good at that skiing. no way.

and as for the ppl who are wondering about me and asking everyone else, you can ask me. i don't bite..usually.

love you all.xoxo.
have a nice day.
.teagan.

I'M COMING OUT!! I WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW!

So I went to the concert last night. It was amazing, Christina put on the best show! I had a good time this weekend, and being away really cleared my mind and put things in perspective for me!

I posted two songs below, they are really empowering if you're ever in a situation with a breakup. I suggest cranking these two songs in your room and belt out the lyrics as loud as you can. (or go to their concert, it is even better and makes you feel completely independant and great!) But I swear to you, you will feel better when you're done listening to these songs!
Those two songs are now my theme songs, heck yes
Today, I am smiling! I am happy! I love my self
The concert was a great thing for me

Oh by the way, look about three posts down, at my READ-IMPORTANT blog i posted. READ IT! Thanks muchly everyone! I love you all!! <3.

I AM A FIGHTER

FIGHTER-CHRISTINA AGUILERA

When I, thought I knew you
Thinking, that you were true
I guess I, I couldn't trust
'Cause your bluff time is up
'Cause I've had enough
You were, there by my side
Always, down for the ride
But your, joy ride just came down in flames
'Cause your greed sold me out of shame, mmhmm
After all of the stealing and cheating
You probably think that I hold resentment for you
But, uh uh, oh no, you're wrong
'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do
I wouldn't know just how capable
I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you

'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

Oh, ohh
Never, saw it coming
All of, your backstabbing
Just so, you could cash in
On a good thing before I realized your game
I heard, you're going around
Playing, the victim now
But don't, even begin
Feeling I'm the one to blame
'Cause you dug your own grave, uh huh
After all of the fights and the lies
Yes you wanted to harm me but that won't work anymore
Uh, no more, oh no, it's over
'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture
I wouldn't know how to be this way now, and never back down
So I wanna say thank you

'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
It makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

How could this man I thought I knew
Turn out to be unjust so cruel
Could only see the good in you
Pretended to not to see the truth
You tried to hide your lies, disguise yourself
Through living in denial
But in the end you'll see
YOU-WON'T-STOP-ME

I am a fighter and I
I ain't goin' stop
There is no turning back
I've had enough

I DON'T NEED A MAN

I DON'T NEED A MAN-THE PUSSYCAT DOLLS

I see you looking at me
Like I got something for you
And the way that you stare
Don't you dare
'Cause I'm not about to
Just give it on up to you
'Cause there are some things I won't do
And I'm not afraid to tell you
I don't ever want to leave you confused
The more you try
The less I buy it
And I don't have to think it through
You know if I'm into you

I don't need a man to make it happen
I get off being free
I don't need a man to make me feel good
I get off doing my thing
I don't need a ring around my finger
To make me feel complete
So let me break it down
I can get off when you ain't around
Oh!

You know I got my own life
And I bought everything that's in it
So if you want to be with me
It ain't all about the bling you bringing
I want a love that's for real
And without that no deal
And baby I don't need a hand
If it only wants to grab one thing

I don't need a
I don't need a man,
I don't
I don't need a man
I'll get me through
'Cause I know I'm fine
I feel brand new

I don't need a
I don't need a man,
I don't
I don't need a man
I'll make it through
'Cause I'm doing fine
Without you!

I don't need a man (I'm over you)
I don't need a man (I'm over you)
I don't need a man (I'm without you)
(I'm over you)

READ THIS-IMPORTANT

FROM NOW ON, ANYONE WHO POSTS A COMMENT WILL PUT THEIR NAME. IF YOU DON'T, IT WILL BE DELETED. IF YOU'RE NOT PUTTING YOUR NAME BECAUSE YOU'RE "scared" I'M GOING TO GET MAD, THEN YOU SHOULDN'T BE POSTING THAT COMMENT AT ALL.

good day!

ps. i will make exceptions for the anonymous comments here and there, that are just simple and straight to the point. the ones that aren't rude about things. i may not delete those if i feel like it's no big deal.

THERE!

well, for all of you out there, my blog is now fully up to date. brett's no longer on it for those of you who were concerned

yes, i'm still a wreck, a mess. i'm pretty sure it's quite obvious to everyone
but slowly, i'm getting over it. (i think?)
how effin long will it take?

i guess on to a little bit happier of a note..i'm going to winnipeg this weekend with candis.
seeing Christina with The Pussycat Dolls
should be fun. it will be nice to just get far away from here

it's almost 11, and i should get sleep. but i can't. i don't sleep. blah
and we're out of nytol, my sleeping pill. i'm totally not gonna fall asleep tonight now

well i should get going, i don't know what else to say.
i love you all
xoxo

I BEGGED YOU NOT TO GO

so my question today for all of you out there is;

can you fall out of love with someone?
i mean, really, do you think you can?


i personally think you cant. i think once you love someone, they stay with you forever. they stay in your mind, body, and soul.


another thing i wonder..have you ever felt that sting in your chest, on your left side, close to your heart? you feel out of breath, and an empty feeling in the pit of your stomach?
is that heart break?
does anyone know the antidote for heart break?

or is there no antidote out there?

do we deep down inside stay heartbroken forever?

heartbreak:
noun
intense sorrow caused by loss of a loved one

HMM

well i'm at school and bored. i have a bad headache. we went to the career symposium today, i almost died from the ride there and back. bah

i hope i see brett soon. ah.

i will leave a blog soon hopefully, i have to go to work now..

how was everybodys weekend?

WEEKEND?

so party at lueders tomorrow. sounds like lots are going. hopefully it's a gooder


i don't quite know how to portray the weekend at this moment. it will be..well interesting. hopefully i don't go too phsyco on a certain person

wish me luck
i'm gonna need it

DAY OLD HATE

i don't want to go to school
i want to curl up in my bed, turn on dallas green and dashboard...and stay there all day

just when you think you can't cry anymore, the tears come again
i can't even handle school or anybody today for that matter

god i'm an effin mess

:(

i need to cry..

i hate me
i hate everything

Why- Jason Aldean

It's 3 AM and I finally say
I'm sorry for acting that way
I didn't really mean to make you cry
Oh baby, sometimes I wonder why

CHORUS
Does it always have to come down
To you leaving
Before I'll say "I love you"
Why do I always use the words
That cut the deepest
When I know how much it hurts you
Oh baby why, do I do that to you

I know I'd never let you walk away
So why do I push you 'til you break
And why are you always on the verge of good-bye
Before I'll show you how I really feel inside

CHORUS
Why does it always have to come down
To you leaving
Before I'll say "I love you"
Why do I always use the words
That cut the deepest
When I know how much it hurts you
Oh baby why, do I do that to you

Why do I always use the words that cut the deepest
When I know how much it hurts you
Oh baby why, do I do that to you
Why do I do that to you